tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18757870078546410582024-03-14T03:55:30.418-07:00~: mY meMOriEs:~all this timeEanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-49153693297054549602013-01-06T12:14:00.001-08:002013-01-06T12:14:11.106-08:00empty ?I pray everyday, and keep saying that I am happy for today . I live and die for Allah. I don't want anything else . what I have now is enough . I am happy now .<br />
one day, I meet this guy. . his name is Adam . he were sooo cool ! I am afraid if I 'lalai' remembering Allah . so, I pray, that I don't want anything . everything is enough . last night , I almost got hit by a car . I were shocked and unable to do anything . I feel ashamed ( I don't know why) . and that time , I lost the feeling . feeling that . . . entah . the word 'empty' is how I describe it . nothing . zero . and actually this is what I really want . and I believe thinking that Allah is there for me is enough . I am happy enough . :)<br />
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alhamdulillah :)EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-50042471554168880322013-01-06T12:04:00.003-08:002013-01-06T12:04:41.661-08:00busker seeker I join this kind of street musician . they were very talented! I start to be more social and see the other world. but not that 'social' , I just met and know more people . I am happy. hey, I am musician and singer is definitely not me! I just join it . 'lepak-lepak' with them . seriously, they were really talented ! I met a lot of people ! :) <div>
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last few days, busker seeker collaborate with gyp , the photohunter .they were soooo cool ! then, we having this kind of bbq day, and now I really think and I am growing up ~ social ! but don't worry, I know how to keep myself safe. I just happy . :)</div>
EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-63856591101626184022013-01-06T11:58:00.000-08:002013-01-06T11:58:05.126-08:00new year 2013happy new year 2013 !! :) . I miss everything . My school life . My life . my family . everything ! I am getting old . and I kept thinking about age . what gonna happen in few seconds, few hours, few days, few weeks , few months, few years . . . I am afraid . recently, I watch Vampire's Diary, and I think, what if I live forever . superb weird right ! to be immortal !? but , If I find the way, I definitely do it . FUNNY ! . life and death , I think about it . what it gonna be. what I will be . I am not younger anymore . gonna be 21 this year. my mom gonna be older . I kept thinking what my life gonna be if she were not here anymore. I afraid that I will be crumble . really crumble . I might lost myself . I wont suicide . just lost . maybe I am not ready to these thing to happen . I just wanna her to be happy. Losing 'him' few years before was a tragic for me.<br />
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I kept trying to remember how does 'He' looks like . My Father . please myself , don't ever forget about him .<br />
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I love you mom and dad :) <3 p="p"></3>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-79461513097095512192012-06-09T05:44:00.000-07:002012-06-09T05:44:11.534-07:00mcm. . .mcm budu jaa post psal love2 neee. haihh~ ahhaha . .<br />
btwn, semuanya sda over dgn dia . :) happy! sy skrg mkin happy dgn life sy,kuat makan pastu kuat tidur lagi nee ba, adui.<br />
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his girlfriend follow me in my twitter account. i wonder if she know what is goin on btwn me and her bf. ahha, i hope she doesnt know at all. well, i think she's a really nice girl. she's pretty, clever, kind, sweet ! what happen btwn me and her bf, is totally a stupid things . honestly, when am with him, i din know that he still wif his gf. so , anyone,pls dont blame me k :)<br />
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<br />to know him, is a great moment but to have the memories with him, i can said that its sucks. :3 . however, i wish he always healthy and happy with his life. i dont hold any grudge toward him. i just cant forgive myself. the reason that only i know.EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-10865956463527751092012-02-02T23:30:00.000-08:002012-02-02T23:37:34.201-08:00stronger . .am getting stronger . . <div><br /></div><div>am deleting ur sms each day ,. . until its empty . . when its empty that is the sign when am really forget about you . .</div><div><br /></div><div>I dont know what will happen when we meet again . . I will learn to be cool . . ^^</div>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-62459155027683836212012-02-01T01:38:00.000-08:002012-02-01T01:55:26.054-08:00mr .Ahe makes me happy , , makes me smile , , makes me lost in my real world . . but I dont get the feeling . . I dont get it . . what is this feeling . .?<div><br /></div><div>I know u still love ur ex-gf . . actually,, i dont know.. if it was EX or it STILL ur gf . . I hv no idea . . what am I for u? U said u LOVE me . . . but what is this . .</div><div><br /></div><div>it hurt . .so much! I thought it wouldn't be this hurt . . I was unable to breath ,, I lost my appetite . . All I want to do is sleep! forget everything! so much . .</div><div><br /></div><div>I just asking u one question . . if u still love her? </div><div>u din answer me . . but I think I know the answer already . . </div><div><br /></div><div>want to know the whole story . . listen to "penakut" by Yuna . . the story is there . . perfect story . .</div><div>but still ,, I miss u . . am gonna forget u little by little . . ^^</div><div>HAHA! I just add his gf at FB . . waaaa~ reading all his post on her wall is really hurting me . . really! so much! but I need to be strong . . </div><div>he didn't even add me in his FB . . waa~ worried I will read all her post? . . yaayss . .</div><div><br /></div><div>Its me EanLYcra Heartphillia . . I can do it!</div>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-54041981565147451592012-02-01T00:49:00.000-08:002012-02-01T01:36:32.048-08:00confident ~mum , y u said like that?<div><br /></div><div>it hurt me . . do u know that. . nope,, isn't. . when I need u the most, where r u? when my father died. . where r u?. . u didn't hold me , , u did't tell me,, thats everything is gonna be okay . . do u know I was trauma and terrified when "he" gone . .</div><div><br /></div><div>I still can't forget everything . . I keep holding the memories . . do u know that? do u ever ask me? do u ever ask me what I want n what I need?</div><div><br /></div><div>I know am not pretty . . u dont need to remind me every night . . it hurt me ,,u know . .</div><div>last night when , , I said . . " do u hv to said that everyday?'' . . I really meant it . . I was dissapointed with u . . u were the one that close to me . . U should give me strength! support me! though my difficult times!! but u not . .</div><div><br /></div><div>u don't know what hv I been through . . I was ashamed with myself .. I was unable to look at anyone at their eyes . . I really hope that u will support me . . say a good thing . . even if it was a lie . . </div><div><br /></div><div>I lost my confident , . . each days . . U don't hv any idea . .! </div><div><br /></div><div>but . . I still love u . . so much! i love u mum !</div>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-17152399250973818412012-01-17T09:06:00.000-08:002012-01-17T09:22:57.279-08:00my love ~so confuse these days . . for the first time. . I think I have this feeling toward an human . . A man ! <div>He makes me smile . . . he makes me laugh . . . he makes my days happy . . but I want to break up . . I hope I never meet him , , I really hope . . actually he hv a gf already . . and yet . . he still want me? what the fuck is that . . </div><div><br /></div><div>can't believe its happen to me . . the stupid thing is I dont want to lost him . . but , , I still want to break up . . I dont know what is our relationship status right now. . A friend? but ber"syg-syg" ? Are u playing with me? hell yaa . . . ok fine , I'll just follow the flow that you made. . .<br /><br /> I really dont know why I cant believe in you . . all that what you saying . . I want to . . I really want. . but everytime its happen . . I just doubt. . </div><div><br /></div><div>I just want to meet a good man that can take care of me , , someone that ISLAM . . someone that can make me smile everyday even with a msg "assalamualaikum" . .</div><div><br /></div><div>can't believe that he like me because am not that "alim" and "bpakaian mengikut peredaran zaman" . . hell ya . . yess ! am not that "alim" . . but am still ISLAM . . . I didn't tudung labuh , ,x bpakaian longgar . . but am still ISLAM .. am still SOLAT . . can't believe u judge me like that?</div><div>based on my image . . am not like what u think dude . . ok fine~ lets play . .</div><div><br /></div><div>but still , , am still missing u . . am waiting for your msg n call . . hahah . . its not happen . . u just follow ur lust only . . want me because we are in the same place . . and yet . . when u in different place , , u forgot me . . </div><div><br /></div><div>am wondering if u really like me and want me . . I really doubt it,, honestly . . I cant go on if this things continue . . lets break up . . but yet my heart cant lie how much I want him in my life .</div>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-57152496198012058932012-01-17T09:01:00.000-08:002012-01-17T09:04:47.138-08:00alone ~felt so lonely here . . . I miss "he" so mush . . . my father . . I wish I can turn the time . . I want to go back 4 years ago . . when everything is perfect for me ! . .<br /><br />being alone is always happen for me . . hard to smile. . am going back on 19hb jan . . x sabar pula . . I hope something will change .EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-46494911621606922152011-08-21T03:29:00.000-07:002011-08-21T03:33:27.843-07:00memory of the lost time..long time ago..we're so poor...having financial problem is quiet tough for my family ,xpecially for my mother,,because she the one that working..."he" just...(sigh)..
<br /> I still remember that we have no food...and my mother bring me and my sister to my grandma's house,hoping that my grandma will lent us some money and give us some food.. thinking about that ,makes me want to cry...but thats my past...EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-81466362861287478312011-08-21T03:21:00.000-07:002011-08-21T03:29:10.925-07:00worried,,so worried right now...well,,my family hving financial problems.... 6hb tarikh daftar ke usm,,tp sy tiket pun x bli lg...apa2 barang pun x bli lg...haiiss,sedih pula...
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<br /><div>mom,do you worried about me? y are u so worried about 'someone' that u never ever meet? am tired thinking that something will happen to you..am worried about u...please dont acting this way,, when am advice you about something u 'll angry at me..then what I suppose to do?? I'm leaving soon,,I dont want to go,But I want to do something that will make u proud of me..
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<br /></div><div>please take care of ur health..</div>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-85531913746816472032011-06-21T03:48:00.001-07:002011-06-21T03:48:32.954-07:00hu~did I make a mistake?~EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-88894370163545894132011-05-14T11:40:00.000-07:002011-05-14T12:05:37.173-07:00hhumm...i really feel depressed right now....i have a friend...he is the reason to me that made me lacking a confident to do everything that i wants... he always insult me....and infront my other friends too...he never thinks about my feeling....he says that i'm ugly and doesn't deserve to be liked by a man... he even ask me "who do you think is pretties ,you or she(my other friend)?"...at that time...i was unable to look everyone,and i just say"she"....because of my lacking of confident i was unable to look everyone that talking to me...<div><br /></div><div>when walking in the college,i see a lot of pretties face...and i envy them but at the same time..i feel so humble...sometimes i feel i want to be like them....but its not what i'm find there...i'm looking for a knowledges..</div><div><br /></div><div>when i'm see my face in the mirror,,i want to cry...but then i tell myself that this is a challenges for me..sometimes i cry a lot...</div><div><br /></div><div>i remember,,one night when i'm studying with my friends,"he" said...."buruk oo muka koo,,p la baa touch up sikit,,eee"....when he said like that infornt of all my friend,,,i feel so so so sad....that night i really cry a lot...a lot...i really feel embarrassed and insulted...</div><div><br /></div><div>i thinks i'm suffered a lot in my college life..i'm talking to my friends without having an eyes contact with them...because i don't want to see their expression when they see my face...i want to cry because i was unable to do so..</div><div> </div><div>even in FB...he always insult me...i hate he,,i want to insult he but i don't want to be like him..insulted a person! i don't want to be like that... to be honest untill now i really feel sad with his attitude,,<br /><div><br /></div><div>thanks a lot to my closes friends and my roomates that always support me... i feel so grateful to meet them....so much!....</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-35179093919134528112011-05-14T10:33:00.000-07:002011-05-14T10:45:21.154-07:00hai...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI1kPOUv9tWQn209iKEfct2x7-yymmpe8EoLst6BJhiDVDvZ6hkwE_5V1h1AN2Z0U9iBJdCZQj9WMmDKlEooD6fCudpAnpA7cVh_dI0EvEgtrW2I_W1H5oI5Bo1-20-fUtkfmAeSrFguj7/s1600/00cs053Hv23.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 254px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI1kPOUv9tWQn209iKEfct2x7-yymmpe8EoLst6BJhiDVDvZ6hkwE_5V1h1AN2Z0U9iBJdCZQj9WMmDKlEooD6fCudpAnpA7cVh_dI0EvEgtrW2I_W1H5oI5Bo1-20-fUtkfmAeSrFguj7/s320/00cs053Hv23.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5606629332081106466" /></a><br />i feel heartbroken right now...i really think that she is my only and only bestfriend,,but why she never be with me when i need someone...?<div><br /></div><div>i miss her so much,,i want to tell her everything goes in my daily life,i really want to....but she never listen...she's too busy with her new life...i didn't blame her...it just,,i want her to listen to me... i once thought that she'd the only that i had..i want to tell her everything....but she never there for me...i feel sad...and this has changed my perspective about life...</div><div><br /></div><div>i cry after reading her blog...7hb february 2011...she posted on her blog about her bestfriends...and i'm not on the list...and more sad,,that day is my birthday,,,she forgot..after a few week,,she call me to wish me...i feel happy without knowing all that.....</div><div><br /></div><div>but,,honestly...she still my bestfriends...nope,,,maybe only a friend,,,because a friend that doesn't know anything about her friend doesn't called as BESTfriend...</div>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-3119966738367062742011-01-17T12:40:00.000-08:002011-01-17T13:08:10.161-08:00first timeit was the first time i'm talking about 'HE' to everybody...i felt awkward at first,,,but then i felt more comfortable.... the story begin,,when,....my Ustaz,,asked us to write a few names of person that already passed away.....the moment he ask us to do that,,,my tears drop one by one...and it wont stop....i felt that my eyes is like a water pipe that time...<div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>my hand shaking to write a name....my ustaz said ,'write a least 5 names'.....but honestly at that moment I only can remember a name...his name... my hand shaking and I felt cold,,my tears wont stop...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Ustaz call a names one by one,,to tell a story..about the names that we write...but i haven't write a thing...I felt so sad...I felt like the passed is chasing me..try to hold me back,,,and then i keep running...but then I'm thinking until when I'm running...?? i braved my whole deep deep heart to write his name...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>and I write it...the last alphabet makes me felt really sad,,,,and I run from the class.. I go to the toilet..,in there I cry again,,and that time,,,i felt the world is falling down...like the grass wont alive again....like the sun wont arise again.....i felt bad.....I hope that can stop...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Then,,my classmate come to the toilet,,she tell me that my name was call by the Ustaz...and my heart beating more faster...the adrenaline really working that time..</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I'm hiding at the back of the class...wishing that the class is over and I can go back to my dorm.....but its not,,,I can fell every seconds that time....my tear wont stop... I really felt that is the time that I really thinks is the hardest in the world...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I thinks its already 1 hours and half I'm hiding myself...and I can heard my name is called several times...and I felt like there's a butterfly in my stomach..</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>30 minutes before the class is over...I'm still crying....thinking about the passed and what I'm gonna do for the next seconds,,,...then..I braved myself to back to the class...</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I just can't believe that the moment i sit down,,,Ustaz called my name again,,asking me if I'm okey and ready to talk infront of others,,,,my hands is shaking...and i came to the front... and tell themm........</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>"the name that i write is Ariffin Bin Arif and Arie Reynaldo,the second name is my late brother,,,which passed away when i was a little....and the other is a person that its a long time i never called.......that is,,,"My Father....,,My Father....and ....My Father..".......</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>the time..i can felt the clock is stopped....only for me....all keep quiet and silent the only that accompanied....</div>EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-49853489611475293062010-07-23T08:40:00.000-07:002010-07-23T08:52:43.211-07:00last month i went to hospital because stomached...but then it turn into gastritis plus food poisons... ahhahah.....it hurt so much...damn...so much.....i keep asking my roommates before go to the hospital if they can tell the warden about my pain...and they just says that i just need a sleep....but it turn bad....<br /><br />on the bed...i keep singing if i cant forget about this pain...i sang" when u gone" by avril lavinge.. when im singing that song...i keep thinking about "HE"....what happen if he is here...he wont let me felt this pain...i brave my whole deep heart to not crying.....<br /><br />i walk down from my bed..and hope that my best friend in her room...but she not there...then i walk to the "musolah"...shes there....i sit outside...holding my stomach....and hope so she can be here soon....im not crying....this pain is killing me...<br /><br />in the hospital ,a doctor cure me......even it not working...at night it came again..the pain... i cant ate anything....even the water.....after the night...i went to the hospital again....the doctor ask me to do test....he said maybe it was appendix...wooo.....thats too much....<br /><br />but it not...ehheh....i feel okay right now.....EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-23338648886476998852010-07-23T08:30:00.000-07:002010-07-23T08:40:06.880-07:00the sky is blue..waiting me to says something..but i dont...because im speechless watching how beautiful are GOd's creature..<br />i feel so lonely even there r so many people around me...and i feel really small when surrounded by all people..the who i am ...im not remember...im alone...i like it...i want it...i need it...silent in sigh... my sigh....does it tell u something if u heard it???<br /><br />emm...emm..emmm......im smiling like there something funny...but it not...i just want to make myself feel better..time is passing by..i m worried about the future that i will made...sigh..<br /><br />i have to move on ,,,i need to reach the final destination...i want to see the future...but im afraid to face the future....what can i do..... i close my eyes to think what i want to write....im smile...and think that i should stop....<br /><br />stop....feel lonely because there Allah that always watching me..there my mother that always support me....<br /><br />but then i ask myself more....did im ready???EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-45109798158679952612010-05-08T10:03:00.001-07:002010-05-08T10:07:54.377-07:00i m bad??today...is kinda a weird day..because i go to church....owwhh..dont get me wrong...it just...im hearing about a man that is a former muslim that already converted into Seventh Adventist day (SDA) and he and his family went there to confess......honestly...SDA is not a bad religious....it similar to Islam but still have the different...i love Islam more....EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-65339648201819082652010-05-08T09:43:00.000-07:002010-05-08T10:02:56.363-07:00HYPOCRITE!!!~~someone tell me that,"what u will do "..the other will described n call u a fake and hypocrite... the person also try to blackmail me...the person want me to follow what she do..but i refuse...i dont want....i really felt ashamed what she said n the way she talking to me....i felt really uncomfortable....i make a deep thought and the i came with a conclusion...<br /><br /><br />"why im thinking about the other person thought??,,yes,,i AM hypocrite"...and everyone too... i dont need to felt embarrassed about what i do...because i know the who i am...the more than the other know.....i keep give myself more motivate....<br /><br />dont get me wrong the "things" that i do...is not a bad stuft...but its a silent sin that every women have that desire but some are manage to fight the "thing"...........<br /><br />i just dont want to pushed myself so hard about this matter as im not born in a religious family...this story is about the wearing "tudung".....sometime i didnt wear a"tudung"....that why the other are judging me....it sometime make me felt so funny because..if it all about me...the other will say something...( i know its in a good purpose) but when other did it...i doesnt even heard a sound,,,<br /><br />so what....?? life is like this....there is devil and angel...dont blame my religious..because its me who decide to do the sin...not the religious that ask me to do...stop make such stupid conclusion..that thats religious is a bad religious because they saw a a few person didnt follow the religious's rule.....this is a life..people still want to do it even it is a sin.....because we r not perfect..<br /><br />i know..i lost in the battle n unable to fight but its not a sign that im gonna lost forever...it just i need some more time to retrieve all my knowledge n energy to win this battle ONE DAY...Amin......EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-19135167339956469052010-04-09T08:08:00.000-07:002010-04-09T08:17:17.252-07:00back to the basicthe silent brought me back to the basic...like my post before..silent is like a gold,tear is like my blood...im finding the conclusion ..all these...but i still cant find it...i want to....want to back to the basic...but i still not allowed to back,....<br /><br />my memories ..will always there..about "he".....im finding something that i would never found...i never tell n described what im looking ..it only me ...that will understand....tear like my blood...never separate,n always there.....i just feel want to cry now....can u understand why im crying?? can u??? would u??<br /><br />i wish ..there is someone that would tell me that..." dont be fake,,dont cry anymore,,i 'll be there for you".....<br /><br />it so late in midnight..still alone...wanna cup of milo???EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-80671044171601829852010-04-01T09:51:00.000-07:002010-04-01T09:59:31.929-07:00drop...my tear drop one by one....thinking about my mistake...thinking about the passed,thinking about the reason...i got it...i know why...it just i still dont understand y i still cant do it...to forget what happen...just a moment...<br /><br />i looked at the sky and fond by it..i look at the people and thinking what life they has been trough?? and then i look again and realize how small i am and lonely.....i still fooled by the word "life"... but i know what happen is the best...<br /><br />so,,,,all what happen is the best.... for me...EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-32361948251297355992010-04-01T09:39:00.000-07:002010-04-01T09:49:33.870-07:00do you??~~~<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQYHDQgMUH6wsR4VQlJdi9FtW2zJksZBzGmBRPyVQJTXFdF-HsUNYH3QnaLa9_EQH5KiV07Pa3e2UcVDriUmWPJqLlFzotVmBACn4s-ot8C3McLabELCSizm1xr3Y_Y09bIlom2UCQlIzB/s1600/002q052i0XF.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 241px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQYHDQgMUH6wsR4VQlJdi9FtW2zJksZBzGmBRPyVQJTXFdF-HsUNYH3QnaLa9_EQH5KiV07Pa3e2UcVDriUmWPJqLlFzotVmBACn4s-ot8C3McLabELCSizm1xr3Y_Y09bIlom2UCQlIzB/s320/002q052i0XF.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5455212171904573906" border="0" /></a><br />now im trying to do something else,working...but then i realise ..that it doesnt change..the emptiness ... i close my eyes to hold my tear...it happen suddenly...even when there is so many people...<br /><br />i looked for something...the lost pieces...but it already lost...where i can find it??? i hate myself for unable to do something....i lost in the light and there no one suspicious...that the great part...i played my role..and no one know...hope tomorrow gonna be a great day...<br /><br />my memories....never found but it also never lost...EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-46555616915618142042010-04-01T08:59:00.000-07:002010-04-01T09:39:41.484-07:00sky....~~~<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixakD8WsI3zGJEnH5DjfsuPFGvVeqegr64lc7nd-flIm0EoCp1uxvs27Qta_bf2UpwnGYc214JAs15nNtjydicaeYVERdfljUMuP9y5VKpG9rJSF2LAhnDGCJNlU5u33K7KXRxN2aDiI_v/s1600/vlcsnap-26920.png"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixakD8WsI3zGJEnH5DjfsuPFGvVeqegr64lc7nd-flIm0EoCp1uxvs27Qta_bf2UpwnGYc214JAs15nNtjydicaeYVERdfljUMuP9y5VKpG9rJSF2LAhnDGCJNlU5u33K7KXRxN2aDiI_v/s320/vlcsnap-26920.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5455209591769363426" border="0" /></a><br />sky is not always beautiful...i always looked the sky and try to understand it...well the pattern.. and sometime i also hope that the sky will understand me too...its funny... my life is going well..for now..<br /><br />each day passed...it already 2 years and 3 month...im counting it to make me remember...actually i dont want,,it just ..it hard to forget.. my spm 's result is great..it enough for me..alhamdulillah..<br />all these dream...what else i can say???..silent is like a gold for me...lonely is like my blood.. no word can described,,only sky...can anyone understand???<br /><br />so close to the end...everyone chasing to the final,,but im...im still standing there ,,telling myself to run to the final...but deep in my heart..i hope 2 years ago or more,,,somebody will pull my hand and save me..but nobody there..everyone gone...im smiling and i dont even know if it real or fake...<br /><br />i try to forget but it hard...the silent brought me to the deep part of my brain and squeeze the memories part..and then the tears....drop one by one...what else i can say...???EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-49759530310622720582010-01-23T04:56:00.000-08:002010-01-23T05:05:02.580-08:00im confuse...i love my mother and i dont want her to be alone...she 52 this year,,still working to feed us,.<br />my sis working in KL,sis 2nd school in the nurse coarse,,my bro working but always outstation..<br />and the left is just me and my mum....i really pity my mum..i love her so much,,,,,<br /><br />i really worried about my SPM's result...it make me a deep thinking about my result...."what it gonne be?" but that not all it about....<br /><br />1. if i get a good result,,my mother will happy....but im gonna leave her for my further study...and that gonna make me feel unhappy..<br /><br />2. if i get the worst result,,it gonna embarrassed my mother and my family,,(well some of my aunt looked down of us...)and that gonna make my mum feel unhappy but im not gonna leave my mum..<br /><br />what should i do?????? im confuse,,i hope 'HE' is here to help me....it only a hope..nothing else...EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875787007854641058.post-26686761114326750902010-01-23T04:43:00.000-08:002010-01-23T04:56:41.906-08:00im bored..i feel so lonely and bored...my mother doesn't want me to work,,i feel really angry,,,,,,<br />'why she don't want me to work??is it wrong??why??why???is she want me .....huuuh,,,i dont know,,it really pissed me off when i remember it....<br /><br />you know,,i feel bored,,really bored,,i feel stress at home,,i feel lonely and feel angry....it so unsubscribed what my feeling actually,,hope somebody understand it...<br /><br />i don't really talk a lot at home,,i usually talkative at school but not at home this year,,, i just don't know...i feel there's no reason for me to talk at home...my mother always find a way for me to talk to her,,but i dont feel like to talk to her..i know it really hurt her...i'm sorry because I'm being so selfish..i didn't mean too....it just I'm not feeling well....<br /><br />i'm really pissed off today...i just dont know why..maybe i feel like a robot controlled by my mother...i doing the same thing everyday..sometime i dont feel want to get up from sleep because i know i will pass the day with the same things...but my mother dont understand it....<br /><br />every night i recall what i'm doing today and it really upset me,,acting like that..it not me...and every night i tell my self that i hate my self..im sorry...EanLycra HeartphilliAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17594812189852053140noreply@blogger.com1