im confuse...

i love my mother and i dont want her to be alone...she 52 this year,,still working to feed us,.
my sis working in KL,sis 2nd school in the nurse coarse,,my bro working but always outstation..
and the left is just me and my mum....i really pity my mum..i love her so much,,,,,

i really worried about my SPM's result...it make me a deep thinking about my result...."what it gonne be?" but that not all it about....

1. if i get a good result,,my mother will happy....but im gonna leave her for my further study...and that gonna make me feel unhappy..

2. if i get the worst result,,it gonna embarrassed my mother and my family,,(well some of my aunt looked down of us...)and that gonna make my mum feel unhappy but im not gonna leave my mum..

what should i do?????? im confuse,,i hope 'HE' is here to help me....it only a hope..nothing else...

im bored..

i feel so lonely and bored...my mother doesn't want me to work,,i feel really angry,,,,,,
'why she don't want me to work??is it wrong??why??why???is she want me .....huuuh,,,i dont know,,it really pissed me off when i remember it....

you know,,i feel bored,,really bored,,i feel stress at home,,i feel lonely and feel angry....it so unsubscribed what my feeling actually,,hope somebody understand it...

i don't really talk a lot at home,,i usually talkative at school but not at home this year,,, i just don't know...i feel there's no reason for me to talk at home...my mother always find a way for me to talk to her,,but i dont feel like to talk to her..i know it really hurt her...i'm sorry because I'm being so selfish..i didn't mean too....it just I'm not feeling well....

i'm really pissed off today...i just dont know why..maybe i feel like a robot controlled by my mother...i doing the same thing everyday..sometime i dont feel want to get up from sleep because i know i will pass the day with the same things...but my mother dont understand it....

every night i recall what i'm doing today and it really upset me,,acting like that..it not me...and every night i tell my self that i hate my self..im sorry...

R.I.P

my uncle passed away last monday...my gonna missed him....fate is unknowed.. just play the life's game and see the challenge..face and and take the victory home....

my late uncle is so kind,..i remember he always be with us every Christmas eve...but last year is the last for he...actually we not with him on last Christmas,,but i heard even he is sick he manage and try to celebrate the Christmas....

he was berried at Kuala Penyu...we there also...life is sad...